I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
