My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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