Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
