I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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