There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
