Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
