Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
