She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
