it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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