it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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