Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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