Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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