i just wanna soil my oats bro
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
