remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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