She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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