I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
