How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't deserve a penis
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
