Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry my hands just texted you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
