Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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