I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
