Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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