we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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