yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize