Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
