I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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