I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
