why didn't you poke me back
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
