i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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