Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
