He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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