Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
