His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
