i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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