Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
