I want to make a zoo with you.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
