His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize