Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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