Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
