3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
