blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
