Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
