the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
