Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
