She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
