I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
