why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
