Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
