We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We're too hungover to prance.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
