we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
