my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
