You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize