I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
