i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
