I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we're making bets on your personal life
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize