my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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