At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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