I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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