Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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