I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
