its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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