My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
