I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
