so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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