I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
