If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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