He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
