I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
