I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
