I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
