Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
