I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
