I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
