I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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