I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
