i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
