my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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