Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
