Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
