i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize