The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
