we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
