We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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