garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
