i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
