I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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