If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
