I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
don't judge my taste in strippers
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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