i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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