just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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