can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Bring me that man meat
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
