I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
