I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
