my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
