Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
