Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
