Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
