He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize