I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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