I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
