they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
