First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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